Lily
by cliffrose-acetone
Summary: "This isn't your sister's," Kageyama says, calmly, holding it up in front of him by the shoulders. "It's too big." He can feel the tension at his back but he hasn't quite decided what to think yet. He's mostly wondering how anything so delicate can be practical.


Kageyama ends up at Hinata's house a lot more now than he ever thought that he would. Half of his stuff is in Hinata's room; his scarf is draped over Hinata's desk chair and some of Hinata's books have found their way onto Kageyama's bookshelf. Hinata makes the effort now to straighten up the place for Kageyama's visits, but there's always something; this time his clothes are still all over his unmade bed and his desk lamp is perched precariously on a stack of textbooks. In the minute or so it takes Hinata to get them both drinks and snacks, Kageyama tidies, starting with the books (there're more comics there than last time) and then folding. He's not the type to get distracted by anything (and he's very proud of his incredible focus) but he stops when something slips off the bed. Kageyama bends down to pick it up and realises a second later that it's a dress- a white summer dress with gold ribbon and a cinched waist. The fabric is soft and in the afternoon light the thin layers are almost translucent. It smells like the rest of Hinata's clothes, like fabric softener and the very particular scent of his skin. Kageyama figures it out just as Hinata himself comes through the door with a bag of cookies and their drinks. Kageyama doesn't turn around, but Hinata is suddenly very quiet.

"This isn't your sister's," Kageyama says, calmly, holding up the dress in front of him by the shoulders. "It's too big." He can feel the tension at his back but he hasn't quite decided what to think yet. He's mostly wondering how anything so delicate can be practical.

"It's mine," Hinata says, although his voice is a little hoarse and Kageyama can hear it shaking. He clears his throat and tries again. "I bought it. For me."

Kageyama turns around and Hinata automatically looks away. Although he's trying to stay calm, his hands are trembling, just a little. Kageyama realises then that although Hinata is one of the most important people in his life, there're still things he didn't know. And wonders then why Hinata never told him earlier; was it something he said that made the boy afraid? Or the fear that Kageyama wouldn't understand and would make fun of him?

"You can leave if you want," Hinata says. He busies himself with putting the drinks and snacks on his desk and takes the liberty of arranging them carefully around the stack of books and the lamp. "Or you can stay. I don't care."

But he does care, Kageyama knows, he cares a lot and Kageyama hates to see someone he loves so much afraid and hurting because this is a secret he wasn't supposed to know about, at least not for a long time. But it makes sense when he thinks about it now, explains why Hinata is always a little nervous and jittery in his room but always calms down when they go out. Kageyama assumed something was wrong but for once he didn't want to ask for the sake of sensitivity. It was hard sometimes but he was learning, although he often wondered if he was doing things right. Maybe he should have said something earlier. Maybe that would have made this easier.

He tries to think of the right words as he folds the dress and put it down on top of the trousers he'd been folding a few minutes before. Hinata still has his back to him but he's very still now, tense and waiting. His shoulders are stiff and the tips of his ears are red and suddenly Kageyama realises the distance between them is making things worse. Hinata jumps when he feels Kageyama's arms around his waist and his heart beats so hard that even Kageyama can feel it, but he doesn't move away.

"I don't care," Kageyama says softly, leaning his chin on top of the other boy's head. "If that's what you want to wear then I'm not going to stop you."

"What if I want to wear it outside too?" Hinata says and Kageyama freezes. He realises a second later when Hinata stops breathing and then when he pulls Kageyama's hands away from his waist.

"It's not that!" Kageyama hurries to explain, catching the other boy's hand before he can move away again. "It's…" He stops. He's almost glad that Hinata isn't looking at him because he's sure his face is as red as Hinata's ears. It wasn't a thought that had ever crossed his mind until now, not until he was actually holding the dress in his hands, figuring out who it was for and imagining…

"I…" The words catch in his throat and eventually he has to force the words out because Hinata is starting to pull away. "I just didn't think about you wearing it exactly. And I...I think I want. To see." It's as if he's in the middle of a game; it's the third set that determines their victory, his heartbeat is erratic and so is his breathing, but he's also feeling a fear and confusion that's noticeably absent when he plays.

"You want to see me wearing it?" Hinata asks, and Kageyama can really relate to the disbelief in his voice. He swallows.

"Yeah," he says.

Hinata finally turns and looks at him very carefully, as if he's checking in case Kageyama is lying. Despite the fact that he feels like his face is going to melt off in embarrassment, he forces himself to maintain eye contact. Slowly, Hinata's anxiety changes to relief and he wraps his arms tight around Kageyama's neck for a brief (albeit slightly painful) second before he bounds out of the room with the dress in one hand. Kageyama sits on the still unmade bed and thinks about starting his homework or doing something useful, but the thought of Hinata wearing all that light white lace suddenly kills every thought in his head.

Hinata returns a minute later, shyly, smoothing out imaginary creases in the skirt so he doesn't have to look at Kageyama straight away. Kageyama looks and his heart races and he wonders again why seeing his boyfriend in a dress is so fascinating to him. He doesn't think seeing anyone else in one would cause the same reaction. So it must be something weird about Hinata as it almost always is. The white suits him somehow, and the gold ribbon brings out the hazel in his eyes. The tips of his ears are almost as red as his hair and he's still staring determinedly at the ground when Kageyama stands and carefully puts his hands on either side of Hinata's face. His cheeks are hot and he's still twisting the hem of his dress between his fingers but when he looks up Kageyama is struck by the sudden urge to kiss him.

He leans forwards, slowly, giving Hinata enough time to move away if that's what he wants. But Hinata's eyelids flutter closed and tilts his face up to meet Kageyama halfway. His lips are very soft and Kageyama smells something that immediately reminds him of girls; something soft, slightly floral and soothing. It's usually an undertone around Hinata, this soft smell, covered by something smells warm like the the taste of fresh coffee or blankets in the middle of winter. Kageyama tilts his head and Hinata's lips part as he reaches up to wrap his arms around Kageyama's neck. Kageyama sighs and pulls Hinata in closer and drops his hands to the boy's waist, fingers curling in the fabric of Hinata's dress. Kageyama's heart pounds and Hinata starts making those pleased sounds he does whenever they're alone and he's really, truly comfortable and all the tension immediately fades out of Kageyama's body. He pulls away and moves his mouth to Hinata's neck, trails gentle kisses down his throat to his collarbone and stops where he can feel the flutter of Hinata's pulse under his lips.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Kageyama whispers. "Why did you keep it a secret?" He already has an idea why, so he supposes it's kind of cruel of him to ask for a confirmation. But not talking things out usually leads to communication and there was enough of that before that almost stopped them dating. He doesn't want something like that to happen again, is all.

Hinata doesn't answer straight away. He pulls in closer instead, buries his face in Kageyama's shoulder so his words are muffled when he says them. He starts to talk and Kageyama has to tell him to stop and start again.

"It's not that I don't trust you," Hinata repeats, "it's just, I didn't..I didn't know what your reaction would be. And I didn't want you to think I was….I don't know. I was so happy when you said you liked me back but I was scared. I was scared you'd leave if you thought I was too weird."

Kageyama squeezes his waist and Hinata lets out a little surprised gasp of air. "You are weird," Kageyama mutters, "That's why I like you so much. I've already decided. I can't take it back now."

Hinata pushes back to look at Kageyama's face and he tries very hard not to look away even though he can feel the blush flooding his cheeks but it's worth it to see that smile again, like the sun breaking through the clouds after a thunderstorm. It's the kind of sunlight that colours stained-glass windows and makes raindrops sparkle. It's the kind of sun that goes straight to Kageyama's heart, and for the hundredth time, he's infinitely glad that he has Hinata.


End file.
